


Butterfly Effect

by lynnthewaffle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29858223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynnthewaffle/pseuds/lynnthewaffle
Summary: kenma thought he was dead. no. he WAS dead. he'd died a year ago. but this wasn't a dream, nor was it reality. it was the past.a story in which kenma repeats the month of July 2014 in order to save his best friend's life, learning how if he makes the right choices, the butterfly effect will bring the boy back.kenma's good at making good choices.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Butterfly Effect

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR TW: s*icide
> 
> maybe s*lf h*rm too, so watch out and practice self care while reading <3

**\--June 21st 1999.**

kenma trembled, burying his face in his hands but still peering behind the gap in his fingers to watch the movie.

"EEP!" shoyo squeaked clinging onto ken's sweater.

'why were they watching a horror movie if both of them were terrified?' he wondered.

"i don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.." kenma mumbled, emerging his face fully into the collar of his jumper.

he was staying over at shoyo's house for tonight. the night of his birthday. usually their parents wouldn't allow it, lecturing them on how '4-years-old is too young to be having sleepovers!' but since it was sho's birthday, they made an exception.

"i think we'll be fine."  
"after all, we'll be sleeping together, right?"  
"as long as we're together..!"

\--

. _.we'll be fine._

'we'll be fine' you said.

\--

"Did you hear? Did you hear? Kenma got confessed to! And guess what!? By another boy!"

"Woah, seriously!? Who?"

"Hinata Shoyo! The 3rd year from Karasuno who made it to Volleyball Nationals!"

"Him!? He's actually pretty hot, who knew he'd be a homo."

"Riiiight?"

\--

we were meant to be fine as long as we were together.

i was meant to be your best friend forever.

you were meant to be mine.

we weren't meant to be separated.

i wasn't meant to out you as gay.

_you weren't meant to die on your birthday._

i took for granted what was 'meant to' happen.

**\--June 21st 2014**

i got the call.

a guilt-ridden voice, a few words, and an apology.

i never knew what 'world-shattering' meant until i received that call.

i still remember it word for word till this day.

'is this kenma kozume?'  
'yes.'  
'is this a good time? are you currently somewhere important.. or,?'  
'im at home. why?'  
'well.. there's no easy way to say this.'

_'Shoyo Hinata commited suicide, yesterday, around 11pm.'_

  
everything dissapeared.

i had so many questions and feelings. i went to put them into words but nothing came out of my mouth. all i felt was the taste of dirt and a painful numbness.

in fact, i probably would've forgotten i was in a call if the person didn't start talking again.

'im very sorry for your loss.'

..loss. 

it was finally settling in, past the denial and the shock.

shoyo was dead.

i held back tears, trying to compose myself enough to say a 'oh. thanks. goodbye.'

i think the caller realize i was holding back, because the next thing i heard was:

'you can let it out.'

that was the tipping point.  
i started sobbing. on call. with a stranger.

i remember falling to my knees, hands shaking so violently it was a struggle just to keep the phone up to my ear.

..shoyo was dead.

the same shoyo i walked to school with this morning.

the same shoyo i wished happy birthday.

the same shoyo who helped me carry my books because i was complaining about them being too heavy.

the same shoyo who smiled, pulled out apple pie from the small-front pocket of his bookbag, and giggled saying 'suprise breakfast!'

the same shoyo who stuck his tongue out at me when i said 'im supposed to be the one giving you a gift today.'

the same shoyo who..

"I'm Hinata Shoyo!"

that shoyo  
was no longer here.

he'd never spike, or receive, or make impressions of kuroo, or walk me home from school, or walk me to school, or fail his english test,

or laugh, or smile, or breathe ever again.

..i'd never be able to hear him call out, "Kenma-san!" ever again.

it felt like a giant piece of me had been peeled away from me, like taking a scoop out of a tub of ice-cream.

till today, it still feels like a spoonful of me is missing.

**\--** **June 20th, 2015.**

tomorrow marked the one-year anniversary of hinata shoyo's suicide.

kenma had already bought flowers to offer at his tomb, set an alarm for tomorrow morning, and cleared his schedule.

now, he was lying in bed, questioning what happened.

he hadn't really gotten over it, and he still hated when people would say 'it made you stronger! you learned something from it!'

because no. it didn't. all that it did was that death hurts like shit especially when the person went off to die without telling you a goddamn thing.

he learnt **nothing** from it. and even if he did, he would've traded all that knowledge he got for shoyo to come back.

_please come back._

he found himself thinking that a lot.

Hinata Shoyo, died 11pm on 21st June 2014.

his birthday.

he was found dead near a small conbini he used to frequent at. it was near a public volleyball court and the store-owner confirmed that he'd see shoyo run into the store with a towel around his neck every night.

including the night he died.

he jumped off a building near that conbini, and left a suicide note in his pocket.

it read;   
'Sorry Mom. Sorry Dad. Sorry Natsu. Sorry Karasuno Volleyball Team.'

kenma was heartbroken that he wasn't on the note, but then again: he didn't deserve to be.

shoyo probably hated him.   
he was probably pretending to accept his apology.

...kenma continued to think about these things, even though he'd thought them over hundreds of times already.

he thought he wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing his best friend lost his life because of him, but he inevitably dozed off.

\--

"Hey, Kenma-san!"  
"Wake up, I wanna show you my bucket list!"

**\--1st July 2014**

**Author's Note:**

> yes, kenma went back in time.
> 
> age recaps!!  
> 2000: kenma is 5, shoyo is 4  
> 2014: kenma is 18, shoyo is 17  
> 2015: kenma is 19.


End file.
